Written by Thuy-vy Nguyen
Recently, The Atlantic published an article called “The Anti-Social Century,” where Derek Thompson discussed how more American people are choosing to “stay in” and live solo, and how this trend is reshaping American life. Similarly, CNN writer Harmeet Kaur described the decline of dinner parties in her article, “Why the Dinner Party is a Declining Art”:
Young people are too busy, too burnt out, or too broke to bother. They don’t have formal dining rooms, and many live alone. The pandemic made things worse, leaving us less eager to socialise. For many, home is now a place to relax on the couch after a long day, not to host others. Outside of holidays, it feels rare to visit someone’s home for a meal they cooked themselves.
What Might Be Behind This Shift?
Many experts worry about the growing “loneliness epidemic.” Governments and organisations like the World Health Organisation say loneliness is a serious problem, particularly in developed countries like the United States, United Kingdom, and Japan. It’s easy to assume that loneliness is caused by people not gathering or interacting as much. But this might be too simple of an explanation.
In the past, people relied heavily on family and close social groups for support. Today, improved access to things like healthcare and transportation has made living alone much easier. This shift shows progress: we’ve built societies where people have more freedom to choose how they live.
But what about loneliness and social withdrawal? That’s a more complicated issue. Modern life has brought new challenges, like demanding work cultures, endless information from the internet, and overstimulation. As I observe these trends, I wonder if many of us struggle to manage this constant demand, leading us to retreat into solitude as a way to cope.
Our research shows that people often prefer to be alone when they’re feeling stressed, lonely, or overwhelmed by social situations, especially younger people. We found that this desire for solitude is often driven by the need for personal freedom, a chance to recharge, and time for reflection. This shouldn’t necessarily be seen as alarming. In fact, it suggests that addressing social withdrawal in modern societies isn’t just about encouraging more interaction—it’s also about allowing more space for meaningful and restorative alone time. Solitude doesn’t have to be a bad thing. When done right, it can help us recharge and feeling better is when people want to connect with others again.
Changing the Bigger Picture
When I speak with experts and policymakers, I’m encouraged by the efforts to create social opportunities that bring people together. However, these initiatives often focus on encouraging individuals to change their behaviour, helping them to get out. This approach can overlook those facing bigger challenges, like financial struggles or demanding work schedules, which make it harder for them to participate.
I wonder if we’re focusing too much on treating the symptoms rather than addressing the root causes. We need to think about how the relentless stressors of modern life contribute to social withdrawal. It’s important to remember that withdrawing socially can be an adaptive response to environmental stressors. By focusing only on visible behaviours, we risk missing the larger societal changes that have shaped how we live today. Trying to fix individual behaviours without addressing the root cause is like trying to swim against the tide.
Let’s start with small, actionable changes. Employers need to take proactive steps to address work-related stress, which is driven not just by long hours but also by the intensity of demands placed on staff. While initiatives like the four-day workweek may help, we must ensure that reducing work hours doesn’t result in cramming all the same demands into fewer hours, which could worsen the stress. Stress can spill over into our rest time, making it hard to unwind and fully detach, even when we’re not at work.
We also need to create more opportunities for social interactions to form naturally. In the UK, especially in the North where I live, communities are finding creative ways to connect. Local ‘huts’ or community centres, and group walks, offer affordable activities, allowing people to meet without financial pressure. On platforms like Facebook and Nextdoor, neighbours organise support for things like food and transportation. These examples show how technology, combined with supportive local initiatives, can foster meaningful connections and bring communities closer together.
To create lasting change, we need to tackle the barriers that prevent people from socialising, rather than blaming solitude. This means improving public transportation, creating safe and affordable public spaces, and ensuring people have the time and energy to connect with others. These steps can make social opportunities available to everyone—not just those who are already privileged, have financial resources and time for social activities.
Conclusion
The rise of solitary lifestyles reflects broader societal changes. Supporting individual well-being and fostering connection require us to go beyond individual solutions and address the environmental factors that shape behaviours. This approach ensures solutions are inclusive, sustainable, and accessible.
Additionally, solitude should not be viewed solely as a withdrawal from social life. Enhancing the quality of solitary experiences can contribute to well-being, allowing individuals to recharge and re-engage with the social world on their terms. By valuing both connection and solitude, we can foster a healthier, more balanced approach to modern living.
Sources:
Atalay, E. (2024). A twenty-first century of solitude? Time alone and together in the United States. Journal of Population Economics, 37(1), 12. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00148-024-00978-0
Nguyen, T. T., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2018). Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(1), 92-106. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073
Nguyen, T. T., Konu, D., & Forbes, S. (2023). Investigating solitude as a tool for downregulation of daily arousal using ecological momentary assessments. Journal of Personality. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12939
Snell, K. D. M. (2017). The rise of living alone and loneliness in history. Social History, 42(1), 2-28. https://doi.org/10.1080/03071022.2017.1256093
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