Motherhood and Solitude: How Time Alone Shapes A Mother's Journey

Written by Becky Yarwood

Artwork by Kateryna Manko

Source: Nguyen, T. T., Konu, D., Tetteh, D., Tshimbalanga, P., Weissová, J., & Xiong, M. (Under review). “I got all sorts of solitude, but that solitude wasn’t mine”: A Mixed-Methods Approach to Understanding Aloneness during Becoming A Mother. Doi: https://doi.org/10.31219/osf.io/m67k2. 

The journey of becoming a new mother is a significant transformation that can have huge impacts, positive and negative, on a woman’s health and wellbeing. Many first-time mothers experience shifts in lifestyle and sense of personal identity.

One important example of this is a new sense of aloneness. A lot of previous research has found that new mothers tend to experience more solitude. This is due in part to managing the demands of childcare which results in spending more time alone at home and not being able to maintain previous social activities with friends and family. Childcare responsibilities also limit options for daily activities and reduce meaningful ‘me time’ for things like exercise and hobbies. 

However, aloneness in motherhood can be an opportunity for personal growth. Previous research suggests that working through the challenges of new motherhood can give way to a personal transformation of fully embracing a new identity of being a mother. As well as this, solitude can have positive effects. Being alone can contribute to rest and relaxation, as well as helping us better understand ourselves. Seeing time alone as valuable and constructive can ease feelings of loneliness. 

Aloneness in the transition to motherhood can be both physical and psychological. Physical solitude in new motherhood can occur because mothers cannot spend as much quality time with family and friends, and because the other partner often returns to work sooner. However, even when a mother is home alone the baby’s constant needs can intrude upon her ‘subjective solitude’ – time when she can be free from social responsibilities.  

The experience of aloneness when transitioning to new motherhood is complex. For example, a new mother may spend a lot of time alone while taking care of the baby, but at the same time have very little alone time to do personal activities. Another way this is complex for example is a new mother’s feeling of loneliness and isolation despite spending time with another person – their baby. 

Given the potential for positive outcomes of solitude, it is important for new research to try and get a better understanding of why aloneness can be challenging for new mothers. Through this understanding, we can begin to work towards more complete support systems that take into account the complex experiences of new mothers.